Its funny how people change when they walk away from something, like it doesn’t matter, or worse, like it never did. For some people pretending and carrying on as if nothing is wrong is easy, but for most of us it’s the hardest thing we could ever be asked to do. It’s not fair when we are expected to forget about our past as if it was nothing. We are told to move on, let it go but at the end of the day it’s not that simple, and it’s frustrating when people tell us that it won’t matter in 10 years, because it will; Every experience, every mistake, changes and moulds us into the person we WILL be, so yes what happens today does count for tomorrow.

I find it quite amusing how we always anticipate the negative things in life, yet we are still so shocked when they finally hit us. We are constantly asking for someone to give us a break, and let us live our lives happily and care free but it's never the case when love gets involved, because a heart never breaks evenly and that is a pain that can never be justified. Although love may be our biggest weakness, it is also our greatest strength and I think many of us take it for granted and don't realise what it is until it's gone. I once heard that love always finds it's way, but I doubt that, love can be lost, and if lucky it can also be retrieved. For those who deserve it, I hope it comes back to you.

df

End.

Why are we always setting ourselves up to get hurt? I mean, I went through so much with me ex, two years of just constant pain and rejection and mind games, yet I still kept waiting to go back to him, even though I knew how it would end each time. Then again, everything ends one day, so why should we bother with anything when you think about it? Even if you find someone, marry them, and spend the rest of your life with them...Your life still has to end one day, no matter how much you love someone, unconditionally and irrevocably, you will leave them one day if Death doesn't decide to take them first. And who really wants to go through that pain? It hurts enough to break up with our high school boyfriend/girlfriend let alone someone we've spent most of our lives with. How is that in any way fair? I guess we don't think about that when we look for happiness or love, we don't think about the ending, or the beginning, we just think about the moments in between, the memories that will be shared, and I guess we are lucky in the way that we are able to hold onto memories, because after the real things gone, which it will be someday, memories are all we will have left to look back on and feel good about. We are blessed to fall in love, cursed to have our hearts broken, blessed to hold find "the one", and cursed to have to inevitably say goodbye, though we are always blessed, even in death, to share the memories.

Secrets spilled, lies told,

rumors spread and stories unfold.

Disowning family and backstabbing friends,

I swear the drama never ends.

.

Why does the past always have to come back to ruin the present? You're finally ready to move onto something new and the past comes back and slaps you in the face, why? Because life is cruel. Don't tell me there's a reason for everything, if so, show me a fucking reason, cause I see none. All I see is unjustified pain. Don't tell me this all won't matter in 10 years from now because it will. Are you trying to tell me that all the people that committed suicide won't matter by then? Or the scars on my wrist are going to disappear? What about our broken hearts, are they going to rekindle themselves? Are we just going to forget? Nobody really deals with their pain, they just hold it in until its deep enough inside that we can ignore it, but it's always there, it never fades and sure it may get easier to deal with but we will never truly let it go.

congratulations, I hate you

I hope one day you wake up and realise. I hope that when you're alone because everybody is sick of you, I hope you remember me, remember that I put up with every one of your flaws. Remember that I always forgave you, I would have done anything for you, remember that no one will love you as much as I DID. You used to be everything I lived for, now you're everything I hate. You're just an immature little boy who doesn't know when he's crossed the line. Congratulations, I hate you.

I'm sick of crying,

I'm done trying.

Fuck this pain,

it will always be the same.

I'm just angry because I should have known,

now again I'll have to be alone.

Now I know it's meant to be,

and that's okay with me.

There's nothing I can do to change the past,

I just wish it didn't come back all so fast.

Past.

Why does the past always have to come back to ruin the present? I put my past behind me and another interferes. It has taken me so long to move on and so why, when I'm finally ready to be happy again, why does it all fall apart? There's just no reason for the amount of pain I keep getting put through. I never fucked anybody around, I never cheated, I never hurt anyone, so why am I constantly being left alone? I should have known, I should have anticipated, every time something good comes a long it always gets ripped out from underneath me, but why now, I was so close, this isn't fair. I'm done trying to be happy, why bother when I know it's not going to last, now I have to go back to the unhappy, lonely girl I was before all this, because it's all I'll ever be.

daddies little girl

For years I waited for you to come home, but you never did. I was always daddies little girl, now all of a sudden I'm all grown up and you don't know where the years went. You hear me crying in my room and you don't understand why, maybe it's all the years you missed, all the years you weren't there for me, all the years you left me, all the years you weren't my dad. You and mum weren't there to teach me how to deal with my problems, you weren't even there to teach me how to tie my shoe laces, or read and write. I had to teach myself all these things and now I've taught myself not to care, not to care if you're disappointed in me, if you get angry at me or when you yell at me because what does it matter? You weren't there to teach me so I had to learn myself, so every mistake I make, reflects back on you. I'm not your little girl anymore, you don't know me at all and you have no one to blame but yourself.

Finally

Finally after all these years, I have the strength to say I'm over you, I hate you, I don't want anything to do with you. Because it has taken me this long to realise how immature you are, how much you've changed and now I wonder why I wasted my time and tears on you. It just makes me laugh to think about all the hurt I felt over you. I'm proud to say that I've learnt from our relationship, and I've grown from all the immature bullshit between us and I have moved on.

Done with you.

If you want to stay than stay, but if you want to go than just go, but if you're leaving now, please don't come back, I don't have the strength to say no to you. I love you, but I don't love you enough to keep hurting myself. I would cry for you, die for you, lie for you, protect you, wait for you, but I will no longer hurt OVER you. I'm done with you.

I don't want to pretend,
but I don't want this to to end.
Keep up the pre-tense,
as I try for this to make sense.
I do love you,
but I don't want to.
Hopefully maybe my heart won't let me,
and I'll remain empty.
I have no love left in my heart,
after always being torn apart.
I think it's time to cry,
fuck I hate this part,
well, goodbye.